confessions of a software engineer...

I don't want my manager or any one above my hierarchy to be readers of this post. I don't even want my colleagues to know about some of the stuff I am going to mention here. For the first time in my life, i am confessing a few bad things i committed in my software engineer life. It doesn't matter if any one of my friends form a bad impression on me, not that all my friends have good impression on me.

Disclaimer: This post is purely fictional and any of the incidents which match to your confessions is purely coincidental. Reading this post is like wetting your pants. You will get a warm feeling after reading it. You can consider them as bulleted list of points, What not to do at a software company.

• Why one of the bathroom in our floor is always busy at around 10 to 10:30 AM. Why the tissue roll is always empty after 10:30 AM in one of the bathrooms. The reason of its busy status was not known. No one suspected my hand behind it. The idea of utilizing office hours and office resources for employee comfort acts as a guilt nullifier for me now.

• There was this guy who sometimes works very seriously with his laptop in his lap turning towards the opposite side of his cubicle. This could be on weekends too. During this time his CD/DVD ROM makes continuous noise more than even the sound the processor used to make. No one ever suspected, what this guy is doing so busy with this DVD. Does it mean he is watching porn when is bored with his work. I don't know. But wait a second, On weekends he could watch it at home. May be he needs his privacy.

• The biscuits packets that the office boys used to keep in the pantry, the bru/nescafe packets, and some times even the milk packets always went missing over the weekends in my floor. That doesn't mean that I used to come to office over the weekends and take them . Besides they are meant to be used by employees and not just for lying idle.

• Why I used to take more mouse mouse pads, paper weights, batteries for my wireless mouse, staplers where as my colleagues never used to give a damn about them. And why the hell this stuffing of stationery in my bag increased during the last week of when I quit my previous job. Why the cartridge of the printer in my floor always used to get over fast compared to other floor printers?

• Why my mobile will always be in silent mode over the weekends, whereas on the weekdays the weird ring tone of my phone can always help people around me identify that its my mobile which is ringing. And by the time I see my missed calls, why it will be always late in the nights. Does it mean that I never want to answer my manager calls over the weekends. As if I am going to answer his calls  over the weekdays after the office hours.

• Why my house landlord always use to wonder, that I never complain about the water problem in the house. Why my soap lasts longer than my other roommates. Why my gym instructor in the office always gives those disgusting looks on me, as if I am using his towel and water. He should also start realizing that office resources are meant to be used by employees.

• Why most of the network traffic in the office always used to go from one IP address. Does it mean I use torrents and download accelerators to download movies over the internet.

I might look like one. But I am not an innocent guy.